06/5/12

I Remember When

(then)

It has been awhile. I know. But today I started thinking about writing again, today I looked at my two miracles and realized that this last year has been so big for us and I have so many I remember whens going through my head. Like:

I remember when I was up all night because Little Man insisted on sleeping right next to me or screaming, now while he loves to cuddle he will not fall asleep next to me any more (and he is no longer a momma’s boy either, it is all about Daddy).

I remember when the two of you would talk in your own little language and just laugh and giggle all day while no one could understand a word the two of you said! Now finally Daddy and I get to hear the amazing stories you have in your heads and the little inside jokes you have with each other! You may not always see us smiling but we love being observers to your world!

I remember not only Little Princess’ first year of gymnastics but the last year of dance and how every class I would ask did she do anything and every time I was told nope maybe next time. We prayed you would dance for your recital and for the first time ever you did and I cried, big happy tears. Today you went back to the gymnastics class you have been begging for and did most everything for your teacher, you even talked to her loud enough even i could hear your answers, something you are still working on with your preschool teacher.

I remember so much about your time with us. So many people have told me just wait you will want to go back. I am not sure I do, while I loved that time with each of you, I am loving more watching what you are becoming, the little man and little woman you will be someday.

I am trying to savor what each day brings instead of hope to go back or wish to move forward. I hope one day when we talk about what I remember I remember all the fun and laughter and never say I wish we could go back! And thank you both for the adventure we continue to be on! I love you more than life!

(now)

01/1/12

Welcome 2012

(I never got a chance to send our 2011 Christmas Cards, I thought I would share the card with everyone here so all their fun was not in vain!)

Happy New Year!!! I am not sure I have ever been so happy to see a year gone as I am 2011. It will not take much for 2012 to be a better year but I am going to make a few goals to help me along this year! I figure the best way to make me try to reach them is to make them public. So here we go…

1. Last year a blogger I admire did 365 Love Letters to her daughter. I want to do the same for BOTH my children this year only because it is leap year it will be 366 Love Letters. This is a challenge for me in a few ways. The rules I am giving myself is the pictures for that week have to be taken that week, so that while I do not have to pick my camera up every day I do then have to pick it up at least once a week. Also, the pictures do not have to be of the kids, they can be of anything as long as a quote or saying or lesson I can give the kids for their life can be added. Also, while I want one set for Little Man and one set for Little Princess if the picture and/or saying works for both of them then I can use the same for both. I will not be posting these on this blog, but on my photography business blog. (Heart & Seoul Photography in case you missed out on that announcement)

2. I miss documenting the crazy things that Little Man and Little Princess do that make me laugh. I want to start blogging here more so my plan is to review my Facebook posts every Sunday from the Sunday through Saturday prior Nd write a post based on what I wrote there. I am sure until I get used to writing again these will be my only posts, but as I get more used to it again I will post more often.

3. I need a new me. I would love to have a trash the dress photography shoot in the snow since I was married on a beach but I cannot fit in my wedding dress anymore. I would love to not only fit in my wedding dress before the last snow fall this year BUT by the end of the year have the dress fall off me even when it is 100% zipped up. I am not so concerned with losing weight, as in watching the numbers fall off the scale but I would like a new dress size AND to see my blood pressure reading be high no longer (even though they tell me at the doctor’s office they would have high blood pressure as well if they had twins hehe I am pretty sure that has nothing to do with my high blood pressure.) I think I am going to try Weight Watchers points program so that if I don’t have to give anything up per say but I have to decide how important it is to me to be able to eat it. But I also need a program that encourages me to eat breakfast and excercise, so I am going to check out a few different programs.

4. Date night….yes after 3 years of one a year I think Aaron and I need one date night or afternoon a month. We found an amazing mommy of a friend of Little Man and Little Princess that I am happy to pay to have her watch the kids once a month so Aaron and I can have more time for us even if all we do if take a walk, or go shopping for gifts. It is time to focus on us again and this seems the perfect way and worth every penny! I am going to try to get the date on the books for every month in the next few weeks!

5. Lastly, I want to have more fun and stay positive this year. Last year went down hill very fast between Little Princess’ leg break and the issues with the house we lived in. In December we moved to a new house (almost literally….our old house was built in 1898 and the house we live in now was built in 2006). I pray that we are all happy and healthy this year and that good things continue to happen for us! But I want to see the good in everything even if it takes me a little longer to see it!

I hope that you had a great new year and that your goals for 2012 are what you need for you If you are still reading thank you!

04/21/11

Unanswered Prayers

You have all heard that song with the line, sometimes we thank God for unanswered prayers, well I am today! In case you missed it Little Man and Little Princess did not get into the “dream” preschool. At first I was devastated, but then in less than a few hours, I found our real dream preschool. See I have wanted to home school for some time, I have taken quite a bit of flack for that from some but if you know me that will do nothing but push me more towards the goal of home schooling. The first “dream” preschool was a magnet school and the kids would have been there through high school with a prayer of any further children also attending that preschool. Looking back I am not sure what makes that school so great…I just thought it was.

The second dream school, it is a co-op school. Only for preschool ~ ages 3,4 and 5 (due to birthdates being late in the year). The parents are ALL hands on, the teachers are hands on (which visit a few preschools and you will see what I mean here), class size is only 10 kids at the moment if even and so much more. You have never heard of a co-op preschool? Neither had I, but the minute I saw co-op I thought this might be more my speed. I called the school and talked to one of the parents (co-op parents help out to keep costs low) and the director for well over an hour. I explained my situation and what I was looking for and received an invitation to come and attend class, bring the kids and my husband and see how it works! We made an appointment to talk and then stay for class as long as we like for today!

So today I went to see what it was like, actually we all went. An even though we were late it was amazing! EXACTLY what we were looking for! Pros:

(1) I get to help with class as much as I like and if there is a time the kids need me there no one will say anything and I can stay with them ~ we discussed that I would not sign up for a shift for a few weeks (each family has to volunteer to help one class a month for our specific class ~ Aaron is just as excited about this as I am) and for the first week I will sit in the office where I can hear and kinda see but the kids cannot see me, if necessary I am then available BUT we are giving them an opportunity to get used to class without me before I start showing up and if necessary I am RIGHT there.

(2) The class is every afternoon Monday through Thursday and then every other Friday the whole school meets and you are welcome to join or not join in as you see fit.

(3) this is a child run preschool, no they are not running wild and free, but they are not required to sit and color for example for 40 minutes if that is not what they want to do. Today we painted, made a craft, played Connect 4 and Sequence for Kids, played in the sand box, played cars and animals and played in the make believe dr’s office (this changes every month so next month it could be a pizza parlor or a post office) this was all before circle time, when we sat and sang songs, read a book and learned about months and days of the week in english and spanish. We also had a recycling theme today so a story and then a lesson about what trash does to the water around us was in order. See the children are not required to sit and do anything, there were some on computers etc… I can say that while they were not required to they wanted to do all of the things the teacher had out and she made sure even my kids visited every station to play and learn! The parent helper was just like the teacher and he (yes it was a dad) had all the same values everyone else did! ANd postive reinforcement and as close to zero negative as possible, no is used but there is so much more acknowledging the positive than anything else!

(4) If we find it necessary for the kids to not go to kindergarten next year, they will not, they will stay here and keep learning and go to preschool next year instead of kindergarten. And the kids are taken at the level they are ~ so Little Man does not be made to feel bad since he cannot name all of his letters and Little Princess can still work on her reading and neither are made to feel like they are better or worse than anyone in the class! A plus for me as I want them to know that it is ok that they learn different and can be at different places in their learning. This was very important to me!

(5) The kids LOVED it. I actually was not in the room very much was getting a tour, seeing the 3s room, and talking to the other parents there and not once did I hear MAMA (but daddy was still in the room though since they were split up he was not with both of them). Little Man was sooooo upset when we had to leave, he had made some new friends and wanted to go outside and play with them but we needed to go (Little Princess would have had to sit it out and I didn’t want that.) Little Man is still talking about school and cannot wait to go back. Which we will do one more time after Little Princess is fully walking!

(6) Most of these families then go on to home school, well probably closer to half or at least they let the child make the decision (which is my plan…if they are set on school we will find one we like and enter them there)

There are a million other things I loved but those are the majors! I cannot believe I stumbled across this school! The cons are so similr to may other public schools (this is not a public school) but there are fundraisers and such (which I did expect) and the worst con is the location of the school but they stay safe and in our town the location they are in is really not HORRIBLE it could be a lot worse. Everyone who comes in contact with the kids has a TB test and is fingerprinted etc But I am so happy for unanswered prayers right now because if not for the unanswered prayer this would have never happened!

04/11/11

A new sense of normal

Seven and a half weeks ago I thought today would never come, three weeks ago I started to wonder how they were going to get the cast off safely (I was worried about my daughter here people…she did not need another injury on top of the one she already has) and last night I was so excited for today I could not sleep.

I am not sure what I expected but the first stop for the day was cast removal for Little Princess. I started to plan for today the minute the Dr. said I could schedule the appointment. We bought Tangled ~ the combo pack ~ so we would have a digital copy for the iPad (if you know anyone with a 3D TV and bluray player let me know we have Tangled in 3D now); I started trying to think about things she would like to do without the cast such as shopping and swimming as well as a very long bubble bath and I planned some outfits from her pile of fabric and patterns (yes she fabric shops and yes she knows which patterns she likes and does not, she tells me what to make with the fabric….she keeps it real people). So yeah this day had me obsessed, even though I had no clue what to expect really.

By 8 am we were on the road, off to see the Dr. We reminded Little Princess of all the things we had been talking about for a few weeks and prayed for the best and expected the worst. By the time our name was called and we were taken to the cast removal room, I was probably just as nervous as Little Princess was. iPad in tow and preparing to watch Tangled while we had the cast removed the nurse said this will take some time and it works like a jig saw puzzle. As soon as the tool used to cut through the cast started Little Princess cried a little but not a lot (she was not able to see much the iPad was in her way (yes I planned that). The nurse kept telling her how good she was and that she was acting MUCH better than some of the 5th grade boys she had removed this cast from recently (which made me laugh). Quite a few cuts later but about a quarter of the tears I expected later, we finally got the cast off, in pieces as the nurse said. I had brought washcloths (I knew we had one VERY bad diaper blowout and was worried I didn’t get it all ~ have been for weeks) we cleaned her up which was not as easy as I expected but we had done well no sores! The nurse had warned me she would cry in xray and be sore for a few days from 7 weeks of inactivity. We got her dressed in her new dress and TWO socks and TWO shoes (never thought two socks and two shoes would excite me so much)! Xray down and then met with the Dr who said no physical therapy unless she is not back to normal in 4 weeks! The only downside is no trampoline for 1 year…yep I have to keep my little jumper off the trampoline for a year, wish me luck!

After we left the Dr’s office, she requested to go shopping so we did. Didn’t buy much but we had fun! Grabbed lunch and ate in the car on the way to the Africa Zoo as they call the zoo in the same town as the Dr. This time I remembered the camera! That is where all the pictures in this post came from! Two cute things happened at the zoo! First we saw some baby red river hogs and Little Man was obsessed, the pictures are in the slide show, but he went up to the glass and they came to the glass to play with him. It was cute, he kept talking to them and almost didn’t want to leave them. It was beyond adorable!

Secondly, this zoo has a petting zoo. The petting zoo has some horned goats (the kids are not allowed in with them) but they were beating their horns against the gate and each other. Little Princess thought the process of them rearing up and then butting the fence and each other was beyond funny which made Aaron laugh! I took some picture of that! I have two favorites of them and even though Aaron looks a little evil in one I still like them!

We then drove back to our town, did a little shopping there and at that point the kids were requesting swimming. So we went to the gym and went swimming! Little Princess even voluntarily moved her left leg (the formerly broken one) in the pool! We were in the pool forever (as in we were prunes when we got out) and they were MAD when we said we really needed to go! I promised more swimming in the future (we are getting a pool pass for our town as well for the summer)…I mean I do have to keep jumper girl off the trampoline right?

By 7:30 they were exhausted and ready for bed! I am exhausted as well but did I mention recently that I am working as an independent contractor for a company that helps people with their taxes or I should say their program does and I work from home in the wee hours of the morning, as if this week is not crazy enough it is tax deadline week and so I am working more than usual (one week from tomorrow life will FINALLY be back to normal or so we hope…)

Today was great! I am so excited to be 7 days from what was normal and even more excited that my baby is back to her normal weight!!!!! Did you hear my screams of glee today

03/17/11

Joy of Luck: Day 1

This month I decided that I was going to take the challenge offered by Willette and use it as an opportunity to improve my photography and see if I cannot become more adept at using my camera and amazing lens. I am going to try to do this class/project without using my children once as the subject for the homework even if they fit the type of homework assignment

Today’s prompt is:

What inanimate object/thing/concept is something that you take for granted on a daily basis? What would someone who is not as fortunate as you are say about your “luck” to have such a thing in your life? Think about your blessings today – (don’t focus on people for this one…that will come later)…focus on opportunity/experience/something you have/do everyday that is an unforeseen blessing in your life.

There were photography tips as well as ways to try to photograph what may be the answer to the prompt! So I will add the pictures here and then the information for the photo and why I choose this as my answer to the prompt. Oh yeah and for the first time ever I am going to intentionally edit the photos before I put them here…I know no more straight out of the camera, I am running a risk!

The item or concept that I take for granted is:

My amazing husband/marriage

Photo settings: indoor, natural light, f/2.8, 1/20th ss, ISO 200

This picture is of two of our wedding pictures! I thought I would be able to take this picture easily but I was so wrong as the light in the room was on the glass and the wall was well unusual colors and the picture was not as easy as I thought it would be! Haha

That said, I do take the fact that I have a pretty good marriage and an amazing husband for granted all the time. When I was growing up I would have told you that would never happen for me but now 5 almost 6 years of marriage in I find that I take my husband for granted every day. Maybe I will work on that this year and start letting him know what it means that we work together as a team and really don’t argue all that much! We agree on many things and he is all about helping me and supporting me in everything I do even if that changes well almost daily! He is a great man and I am happy to be married to him and raise my children with him!

03/8/11

Cherishing Each Day

Where does the time go? Why does every day end and I look at my to do list and find it not even having a thing crossed off of it?

Today I looked back over the last two years, I remember the day two years ago so well for a million reasons. I remember how there was no sleep the night before and no naps when I needed them. We were headed for our first family pictures, we had only been a family for 5 short months. No one had napped and we were all running on the best shortest fuse possible, but it worked. We got some cute family pictures like this one:

And we got devastating news…spent a portion of the following week away from home. I remember thinking at the time if I can make it through this I can make it through ANYTHING. Little Princess was not sleeping through the night, neither were walking yet (though Little Man would soon and Little Princess well as with everything else in her time and her time only) and I was still so upset that I was now a stay at home mom and not balancing everything perfectly (Yes I lived in some sort of strange dream world…)

Today, I looked over those last two years and the things we learned (1) Little Princess is smart as a whip and will never be forced to do anything ~ every thing must happen when she is ready (2) Little Man is the sweetest most loving little boy who has decided he has already learned too much in his short life so he will learn again when he is ready (3) No one sleeps through the night still, I am praying for my first full nights sleep when they are 20 or leave for college (4) they are still the cutest things known to man and I love them unconditionally.

The things I thought would never happen two years ago not only happened but now are tiny little blips. They both walk, they both talk though one much more than the other, they only wake up once a night now usually (something I used to pray for), Little Princess does not hate me nor Little Man his dad and each is his/her own little person. The things I worry about today like if they will be potty trained by the start of preschool, whether or not to separate them in their preschool classes, when their legs will be long enough to ride all of their pedal toys and if they will survive the teenage years will be blips in time before I know it, heck even the seven weeks of this crazy cast will be a blip before I know and a cute story to tell when she is 20 and finally sleeping through the night!

So I will try to savor the quiet time each day, the time in the rocking chair at midnight and all of the days playing cars and princesses because tomorrow they could move on, no longer asking for hugs and kisses but telling me Mom NO when I try and no longer wanting me to make all her clothes or wanting me to watch them learn the latest thing at gymnastics. I am trying to only wish for things that are necessary like potty training and let the rest come in time as I know it will always seem to come too quickly. And in May I will be updating those family pictures

Recent pictures:

(hamming it up )

Yep a book and a dvd and no sign of the cast (I tried to take a few of her and the cast and well I will not be sharing her screaming pictures Modest thing she is! )

03/1/11

More Love

Aaron and I have been discussing our options lately to open our currently closed adoption. We have told a few people and constantly get the same questions ~ Why would you open an adoption with someone who cannot speak your language, has a different culture and of whom you are blissfully unaware? We have yet to come up with a perfect answer for the first two but the last one we will outright say is untrue, we are so aware of someone we have never met she is a topic of conversation here at least once a day, usually when one of the kids says or does something cute or shows a specific personality trait and we wonder.

Recently in one of my yahoo groups for those who have adopted from South Korea another parent asked about contact with the birth mother for his/her 4 year old child who has been asking and she wanted to provide some answers to that child. I followed the discourse closely because well I was thinking of doing the same thing for my 3 year olds. I wanted to see what this parent was told.

I am not sure why I was surprised by the discourse but some of it surprised me, until I read a post by an adult adoptee whose posts I sometimes hunt down as she can be very insightful. I am known to lurk on many adult adoptee blogs as I feel I have nothing I can say to them. But she was able to say what I have been wanting to say about opening our adoption so well that I actually e-mailed her to ask if i could quote her (since the yahoo group is private and you have to have permission to join). She agreed with a few conditions which I am happy to comply with!

So here is our new response in Kim Yun Mi’s words (and I hope my children grow up to have some of her amazing qualities):

This just confirms the idea that love is in limited supply. That one can have the capacity to only love two parents is sad. I love all my parents DESPITE the problems I have with them. We as adoptees are often told how to love, how much to love, and to what quality we can love. Society tells us this idea because society doesn’t see itself and its own complexities.

For example, I was talking to a guy that was trying to ask me who I love more and I pointed out there are step parents in this world. He said he loved his step father too. So I point-blank asked him the question that he was trying to ask me, “Do you not love him because he’s not of your blood?”

And he fell silent into thought and mulled it for a long long time, trying to answer, but probably finding the same answer that I did. Love is expansive. We don’t love people in the *same* way, but you can love someone the same amount.

Do you quit loving another sibling as the eldest if you have 1 more sibling added? How about 2? 11? If the ideal family is a mother, father, a dog and a cat, with one sibling of the opposite sex (and we all realize how awkward and unrealistic this all is), does that love quit because you decided to get a Guinea Pig instead of a dog? A lizard instead or in addition to a cat?

Love is infinite and the error is in society to believe that it can be so limited and restricting that it will teach stupid things like you can only love two parents. What about my friends that had their parents remarry when they were young and stay married for their childhood into adulthood? Should they have to pick and choose, or could they love each parent in turn in a different way for the same amount?

Love is a mysterious thing. I don’t think it’s something you choose. It just is. And it is never in limited supply.

And that sums up how we can say “Our children cannot have too much love in their lives, it does not matter who the person is as long as the love is genuine; so yes we want to open our closed adoption.” (And before you worry we would leave our children with just anyone who loves them we either have to know the people well OR have a background check, yes I am THAT parent…my kids have enough issues already they don’t need more.)

02/28/11

Are you the adoptive mother?

(before the break)

Some days I just want to be a parent…just mama or mommy and not the lady someone in the corner is whispering about or someone else with more guts or less good sense, I am not sure which, is asking questions that are well just not in good taste in front of my children.

Last week, I was asked more than once “So you are the adoptive mother?” The first two times I was tired, hungry and VERY thirsty and had only just arrived at our final destination, I didn’t have it in me to be funny or say something I might later regret and just answered simply “Yes” but after I had some water, a little bit of food and an hour or so of sleep I wondered what the word in front of mother meant and why it was important for her care. I gave them what I could of her history, including that she was adopted (insert that we are mostly clueless about her family history) prior to the question being asked.

I have been having so many issues in my head with that ONE word, adoptive. I just want to be her mother and still acknowledge all the other mothers in her life, without labeling any of us. We all love her (as well as her brother) and the label in front of the word should not matter right? Does it really matter what type of mother we were to her – birth, foster or adoptive? Why is this one word getting to me?

Maybe it is because of that one word that people often feel like they can ask intensely personal questions of you they would not ask of any other mother, such as “How much did they cost?” and “Are they really brother and sister?” I have yet to hear a stranger in the mall ask my best friend “So, how much did her birth cost you?” or ask a fellow mother of twins “Are they really brother and sister?” Don’t get me wrong I could write a completely different post about the things only mothers of twins, triplets etc…hear but that is not one that most of them hear.

Or maybe it is because that one word just eats at me personally. I am not perfect, no where near it and I will admit I have my days when I wish I had given birth to these two amazing children and they had been with us since day one. I hate not having some information on their first 14 months, not knowing the day they crawled for the first time or when they got their first tooth. There are days being adoptive anything just eats at me. I think similar to my children having days when they don’t want to be adopted (as they get older) I have days I don’t want to be an adoptive mother. Hopefully this will help me understand some what they will feel then, even though I am older and can work through it better on my own.

Or maybe it is because to me adoption means loss and therefore adoptive means loss. Look at everything the adoptee has lost as well as her other mothers, so much so that when I think about it I am paralyzed with sadness. I know that in some cases the mother believes she is doing what is best for not only the baby but her as well, but still there is a loss on both parts and the next time these people meet life will have changed drastically for both and each will handle it differently, I am pretty sure each of my children will handle it differently and at this time I have two children who have all the same levels of loss at all the same times.

Or maybe it is all of these at once but maybe one day people will realize that even though the question may seem innocent enough, really it is intensely personal and better left unsaid, unless absolutely necessary.

02/25/11

I’m Back!!!

One week ago (technically one week and onedays ago) I knew it was time to stop the bloggy break I have been on and start blogging again. I left because I lost my community or so I thought but mostly because I lost my will to write. I could not figure out what to write about and most of what I wanted to write about well I thought no one would care. In my time off I realized I wanted to write for me and not anyone else, it helps me work through things!

What happened a week ago – my worst nightmare, Little Princess broke her left femur (upper leg bone, the big one) and well here is what I posted on facebook:

I have had a lot of questions the last few days about what happened to Little Princess and let me tell you Aaron and I are beating ourselves up over what could have happened. In reality we have NO idea.

On Wednesday (2/16) we had an absolutely normal day except the crazy migraine that I had and was trying to get rid of. Up by 9 am, playing all morning nothing out of the ordinary, potty training, no major fits etc… By 4 pm Little Man and Little Princess had asked to watch a movie – Cinderella - and I said sure if they would lay in their beds for quiet time. We changed pull ups and they laid down. I could see and hear them from the office (which is attached to their room) and saw and heard nothing out of the ordinary. They feel asleep and I let them sleep until Aaron got home and supper was ready, around 7 pm. When they woke up nothing seemed out of the ordinary until Little Princess started to try to walk and she withered to the floor and started crying, not a fit cry but a I hurt cry.

Since I had been ill earlier in the week and had some pretty severe muscle pain in the mix we wondered if she had not picked up what I had on Monday. We pulled out the heating pad and tried to make her comfortable — it worked as long as she was not moving her legs at all. I decided that she needed something the next day and called my mom to see if we could get her into her pediatrician (my mom works for him) and my mom said that he would want x-rays as it could be a stress fracture and so just take her to the ER or prompt care. We promptly left for the ER.

When we arrived at the ER we got some odd looks for bringing a child we could not identify an injury for with leg pain but after the x-rays we had to start explaining (or at least trying to remember what had happened that day) — we found out she had a spiral fracture in her left femur. At first we were told she would need surgery to put a pin in and I lost it (talk about feeling like the worst mom ever — I mean EVER). She had to be transported to a children’s hospital in an ambulance (just she and I at midnight) and then we waited almost 20 hours before they told me they just had to put her under to cast her and that she would not need actual surgery. So they put her under to set the break and put a cast on it — a hip spica cast for the next 7 weeks at least.

I have been reciting her medical history like it is some sort of book I memorized, trying to remember as much of the day as possible (since there was mandatory reporting to DCFS for the break) and pretty much watching Little Princess like a hawk. I have cried until there are no tears left — watched Tiana and Tinkerbell until I and probably most of the medical staff had them memorized. And felt guilty — if anyone has a cure for the mama guilt as all the medical personal are telling me this break would have given her enough paid to cause issues immediately and could not have happened prior to nap time and probably not much prior to her starting to complain about pain in her legs, I am all for hearing it.

So please keep praying and know that Little Man is completely at a loss — he and Johanna have never been separated for this amount of time. He spent today with his grandparents (Aaron’s parents) and had a great time but he cannot figure out what is going on and why sissy is not there to sleep with him in his room.

So there you have it — the whole story or what I know of it. Oh yeah and with Little Princess’ fear of strangers, medical personal and the fact she had not eaten for the last 24 hours prior to the set — I think we have beat the plane ride home from Korea and I didn’t think that would ever be possible.

Since then the medical investigator has said we did nothing wrong most likely Little Princess had a seizure in her sleep and caught her leg and twisted it and broke it. So it has been pretty crazy around here!

More to come in the next few days about my thoughts on why I was worried more as an adoptive parent as well as my thoughts on being asked by EVERY doctor who saw us — “so you are the adoptive parents” and no I am not kidding about that, I so wish I was. Also, I have a post about wanting to make the kids adoption an open adoption… No more bottling it all up I promise. Also I am sure I will add some funny stories from the kids – maybe even the story about how EVERYONE in the children’s ward knew us and why – Little Princess may need that in her book some day.

See how they play now:

09/7/10

The New Adventures of Old Carissa

I gave myself a 36th Birthday gift, a little early (almost a week early) I set up the meeting and started the process Aaron and I have been talking about for a few months, we will soon be foster parents with the option to adopt if that becomes available.

Had you asked me when I was a little girl or even last year if I would ever consider being a foster parent I would have told you that it takes a special person to be a foster parent and I would have to look deep before I even considered that option. Today I looked in a social workers eyes and said with all the confidence in the world “Sign us up” and she did, after I went on a search for Aaron’s social security number, someday maybe I will memorize that number!

The paperwork is all vaguely familiar, we had to have a foster to adopt license when we adopted the twins so this paperwork is the same. We have to update the smoke detectors and carbon monoxide detectors and put a new vanity in the bathroom but really we have months to make those changes and a few more changes we really want to complete. Hopefully we will start our mandatory classes in the first week of October and they will be over in early December, if that class is full we will likely start our classes in December or January and be done by Aaron’s 39th birthday in March.

Until today we thought we had considered it all (1) Special Needs – check as long as there are no mobility issues we are good (2) Behavioral Issues – no overly violent or fire bugs other than that check (3) Siblings – no doubt this is what we want the opportunity to keep a family together (4) Teen Moms – this special program is what drew us to the program an opportunity to keep mom and baby together and (5) could we handle family reunification if that was the goal – yes as long as the kids were safe. I now now we have so much more to consider but nothing major and nothing that we cannot change in the future if we find ourselves in over our heads!

The final change to our lives will be the hardest one for me – a mini van or some similar vehicle. There is no way to get anymore than ONE more child in my beloved car and we have space for up to 4 foster children in our home. So I need a vehicle that can accommodate two adults and 6 children at most, possibly as many as 6 car seats/booster seats. I hope they make a vehicle that accommodates everyone that does not make me look old or crazy….wish me luck on that search, maybe I will finally get that red vehicle that I have been wanting for a very long time

06/22/10

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Baseball and Pretty Pretty Fingers

Since Little Man and Little Princess have came home we have tried to figure out how to have one on one time with each parent, in usually is two on one. Well my mom won tickets to the Cardinals game on Saturday night and gave them to Little Man and Aaron. Since Little Man is under 3 he gets in free if he will sit on Aaron’s lap, so they asked Aaron’s dad to go with them (Friday was his birthday and Sunday was father’s day and he taught Aaron how to be a good Cardinal’s Fan). The game was an evening game so Aaron, Little Man and Greg left about 1:30 p.m. for St. Louis and Little Princess and I were left to spend the day as we pleased

While I cannot speak to the fun Little Man had (I was not there), Aaron says that he had a great time! They parked on the Illinois side of the river and rode the Metro to the game. My understanding is Little Man loved riding the train so much he was upset when they had to get off to go to the game. He then got to watch the game and since there were a few empty seats near them he was able to move around a bit as well. Aaron’s cousin was also at the game and she visited with them and took this picture (which I LOVE):

While Little Man was on his adventure, I decided that our Little Princess needed an adventure of her own. So for the first time ever we painted her finger nails and toe nails. She was beyond excited to have this done. Because she is still VERY stranger leery, I did it at home but I think next time we will go to my nail salon (which they might have forgot who I am it has been so long). Her nails and toes:

and my favorite photo from the nail painting experience:

She is blowing her nails dry like I had showed her how to do!

We then went shopping, oh my gosh this girl is going to make her mama who hates shopping learn to like it, as she LOVES it. I laughed so hard as she went through each item of clothing on the clearance rack in the Men’s department and shook her head to say she didn’t like or did an item. You should have seen her when we went to the clothes in her size! My little dress girl went through each one to see if one was like she wanted…she found ONE and it was ALL white and well not high on my list of things I thought we should purchase, but maybe if it goes on sale enough.

Both kids had a great time but they each asked where the other parent and other sibling were, we will be trying this again!

06/1/10

Fits, and Eyes and Splash Parks OH MY

I have a love/hate relationship with long weekends. I love having my husband home all weekend and getting to spend time as a family but I hate thinking it is Monday and then realizing it is Tuesday and I am a day behind and the worst part is that one or both of the kids tests me all day to see if anything else has changed. Today it is Little Princess.

To be fair she has been testing us for some time and in the process her brother has been the bain of her existence. If he has something she insists on having it. She will forcibly take said item from him as he watches and does nothing (even though we have made it clear he can take it back at that point). We have been trying to take the toy from her, give it back to him and put her in time out. When she leaves time out she has to give her brother a hug. That works 90% of the time.

The other 10% of the time we have to take her up to her crib and let her scream it out by herself, telling her to let it all out and when she has been quiet for 2 minutes we will come and get her. This method worked so well with Little Man the amount of his fits went down to one a week a few months ago. She can scream as much or as little as she likes, we can hear her through the monitor and typically when she does this and ends up in her crib, she screams for 10-15 minutes and then is quiet. When she is done her mood is 200 times better and we usually don’t have to do that again all day. The last two days she has been testing us to see where our limit is with her having time to let it all out. It blows my mind her night and day attitudes in 20 minutes….makes me wonder if sometimes I need 20 minutes to let it all out in my bed!

Also, thanks for the kind words about my eye. It still hurts VERY badly but still feels better than it did so I am pretty sure I am on the mend. I have been taken care of by Aaron so well! Yesterday he went to one of my favorite places and got me lunch because I felt so bad. He has been great about taking care of the kids and not begging to watch sports on TV. Yesterday for the first time ever, when Little Man and Little Princess woke up from their nap he got them ready and took them to the zoo on his own ~ no input from me, I was out cold and didn’t even realize they were gone until 10 minutes before they returned! I have A LOT of blog reading to do but trying to do things with one eye made everything take 200 times longer and made me so much more tired than I am used to.

Today, Alison and I decided that we would take all three kids to the splash park for an hour and a picnic lunch. I can walk to the splash park (it is in the park a block from our house). I took the patch off my eye an hour early, prepped the kids and we left. I wish I had Alison’s bike and trailer hook up but still it was nice to get there and all of the kids had a great time! It started off a bit rocky as there were a lot of strangers there that the kids were not so sure about but when Alison and her little girl got there,the daredevil came out in Little Princess and she was all about the splash park! After a break for lunch they played some more and I told Alison I had to go ~ my eye was killing me (I so need to get the rx sunglasses ordered). So we came home, the kids have are still napping 3 hours later! I called Aaron who was concerned about me and I told him all was well but he said he would take the kids back to the splash park tonight while I relaxed at home! So it looks like the splash park will be a part of our routine every week…is 2 or 3 times a week too much?

My Everyday Miracles

Where the miracles never cease and always come in pairs!!!

Tag Archives: Daddy