If you recall from my last post we moved in December and I am not ashamed to say I still have more boxes in the garage than I thought I would at this point BUT it is fun finding things I forgot I had!
I may or may not have mentioned a small book hoarding issue Aaron and I have and have been working on. One way we have been trying to work on it is he has a nook and I have my iPad and iPhone with nook and kindle apps. And it has helped, I even started getting my magazines on my nook app and LOVE it, I get to keep them all AND not have to figure out where I will store them :) Anyway the only way we will buy an actual book now is if it is not digital yet, which is most of my history books though that is getting better OR it is a cook book, yes I still have that collection and yes it is growing! The only other way we get books is from friend or family, they will hand them to one of us and say you would like this and well we will read it most of the time, if we remember where we put it.
Anyway my MIL gave me a book and said read this when you get a chance but for once I want it back when you are done because I want to pass it on. This is not typically how my MIL gives me books, just so you don’t think she is some sort of Indian giver, but this book was special, to her at least. So I tucked the book into a bag I had brought along to her house and promptly forgot about it. For months I carried it around with my crocheting unknowingly. When I unpacked the crocheting bag in my new office/craft room/sewing room, I found the still untouched book and put it on my nightstand where it sat for still another month.
Two nights ago I could not sleep (I know anyone who knows me is not shocked) and I picked the book up and promptly stayed up until 3 am reading it. All of it. And then stayed up another hour thinking about that book and how so much of it was staying with me on so many levels. The title of the book is Heaven is for Real and it is by a pastor named Todd Burpo. The book is about the almost death of his then 3 year old son and how his son visited Heaven for “3 minutes” in the words of Colton Burpo.
Anyway, Colton’s experience was one that held me in awe. mostly because the way he says Jesus looks is EXACTLY how I have always pictured Jesus. The fact that if this book is tire and you should know I think it is, then God/Jesus answers our prayers even when we are angry and yelling them at him, as evidenced by the fact that Colton is still alive.
But the part of this book that still has me in its grip is the fact that Colton had the faith of a child, and it showed. He just believed things and watched them happen. Anyway all I could think about was my unwavering faith that our first adoption would be of twins, not just any twins boy/girl twins and the boy would be older. I had faith when I was almost laughed out of the first meeting with a social worker; our country of choice closed and the country we switched to had almost no twins leaving the country, especially boy/girl twins; and the fact if it was gong to happen the twins had to be born already by the time we switched countries. I knew some how some way that is what was meant to be, I never wavered, even though the social worker thought I did. I was in my 30s, not a child anymore. And there were times I screamed at God, yelled at Him during that process for numerous reasons, but I didn’t waver.
I didn’t walk away from this book with some sort of better understanding of heaven though some of what he said makes me want to go myself to talk to my grandma just one more time. I walked away from this book questioning my faith on some level. My faith, the same faith that brought me the two most precious gifts EVER, the faith that made Aaron and I God’s Plan B for them (His Plan A was their birth family), has not been that solid since the day we took custody. Matter of fact it has gone so far down hill that I am searching for fragments of that faith now to cling to as we move forward, make different plans, and ask God for more blessings.
I am making my final and most lasting goal for this year to have the faith of a child. If I see none of my other goals through this one I want to see through. My verse for this year is Matthew 18:4 “Whoever will humble himself therefore and become like this little child trusting, lowly, loving, forgiving, humble is the greatest in the kingdom of heaven.” My goal is to come back to all that in my walk with God, it may take time but I am sure I will get there again. And if you would like to read this book, it is a very easy quick read, let me know I will get you a copy if you cannot get your own. I will be giving my MIL her copy back to pass on :)
The picture at the top of the page was taken by me, but is of the child of a good friend. It worked so perfectly for this post I asked for and received permission to post here :) I love the image of a child praying!
Do you have a verse for your life this year if so please share in the comments??