{76/365} Being Angry…

There is something about being angry, you know the kind of angry that it not only does not easily go away and just fuels the depression you have been living in for awhile.

Life sucks right now…yep I just cussed, for those reading for awhile you know that I do not usually do that actually I am not sure I have ever done that on the blog no matter how bad things have got or how angry I am over a situation. I am there now ~ maybe it is the situation I am living, maybe it is seven years of anger building and just now coming out, maybe it is the lack of sleep, maybe I don’t care anymore ~ there are a lot of maybes but no real answers. I suspect that it has something to do with all of the maybes happening all at the same time but I may never know. I have tried EVERYTHING to get out of this funk and none of the usual things are working.

Without getting into the details of what is happening in our lives (because this affects everyone in our family) or how we got there because as much as I want to blame it 100% on my husband, I cannot. I need to take some of the blame myself for not doing certain things or at least not recognizing they were happening, but that does not mean that I cannot wish I could blame it all on someone else. Maybe that is part of my problem, I am mad at myself for letting it get to this point or mad at myself for making some perceived wrong decisions.

I am trying to learn from this situation but so far this is what I have learned (1) I need a break from life in general (2) blaming everything on your husband gets you no where other than angry with him for a very long time (3) not taking blame yourself for what role you played just leads to an angry husband or other party (4) find a way to work through your anger ~ your kids can and do pick up on your mood and it can make things even worse

I am still mad. I am still working on it. So if I am still a long way behind learn to deal I am…I am learning to deal with a lot recently and most of it I don’t like.

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